Conquerors through Christ recommends Covenant Eyes’ screen accountability software. Parental control content blockers are a good start, but Christian accountability is extremely important in every struggle too. Covenant Eyes helps provide enable that accountability.
Conquerors through Christ has produced a Parent Support System to assist and equip parents in teaching their children about God’s gift and design of sexuality. Conquerors through Christ also has Middle School Lessons and a High School Curriculum available.
Do not overreact. This was going to happen eventually. Nothing is ruined. And your child is normal. It’s not shocking that this is happening, it’s shocking that you didn’t know about it. Now that you do know about it, you can have a conversation about it with your child. Let them know that sex is good, but pornography is not. Let them know what your plan will be going forward. Consider putting a content blocker on the devices your child uses. Let them know they are forgiven and loved.
Probably every age is a fine age to talk to your child about sexuality in age-appropriate ways. Talk to your two-year-old about privacy and differences between boys and girls. As they develop, you can continue teaching them about their body and later about the temptations and threats that exist in the world and can harm our bodies. Sex education is a process, not an event. You are not looking for a time to have one big awkward conversation. You are looking for many opportunities throughout your child’s life to advance the process of teaching them of God’s blessings and intentions for them and their bodies.
Pornography objectifies people and creates unrealistic expectations for sex that are completely void of the intimacy God intends. Pornography can be very addictive. Pornography encourages the abuse of women. The harm of pornography on your child extends beyond a guilty conscience and a damaged understanding of God’s design for sex. Pornography harms self-image and leads to lack of confidence and low self-worth.
No one can tell you how long the anger will last. It may be weeks or months, and hopefully not longer. There will be times throughout the first year – maybe even into the second – when anger will return when a phrase, a smell, a person, or a sound trigger the painful memories. If you find yourself constantly angry, if it is disrupting life and the peace in your heart, seek professional counsel.
This is a hard one. Be as open and fair as possible, and work to make a judgment based on analysis of all actions. Is there a change? Has help been sought? Is there a sponsor of some kind? These resources encourage honesty.
Be somewhat careful about opening up. We recommend that you do not to open up to all your friends and family. Some will be supportive, some will struggle to understand – and some may be very critical of you or your spouse. Speak with a counselor. Find a support group like COSA, AL-ANON or S-ANON. It would be better to keep quiet than to speak with a friend who will be critical or non supportive of you.
No, you should not. Your role is to be something different than their police officer, parent, or guard rail. They need someone who understands addiction; someone who has been there and is working recovery. It is also beneficial if the encourager/accountability partner is the same gender.
Your job is your recovery. You cannot recover for someone else. Pestering or pressuring someone to recover will not work. Cooperation and teamwork are valuable because they give responsibility to all parties involved.
For your personal recovery, focus on your vocations. Be the family member, church member, and member of society that God made you to be.