FAMILY OR FRIEND
Helping someone to stop using porn
Filtering Software
Reviews and Ratings
Recently the CtC team became aware of two sets of reviews of filtering software that can be helpful in the fight to preserve or restore godly sexuality.
How can you help a friend or family member using porn?
This resource helps to identify how to Reject, Resist and Recover from porn.
Share: 5 Steps to Escape Porn
Create Priceless Conversations about Sin and Sex
Understand the Cycle of Sin
Accountability in Christian Community
Rejecting porn takes help both from God and from fellow Christians. But how do you help? How do you respond to a confession? This guidebook helps accountability or encouragement partners and small groups embrace the power of honesty, prioritize gospel responses, and create Christian environments filled with grace and truth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Even one lingering view is sin, of course, and sin needs to be confronted regardless. Addiction is defined various ways, but for our purposes, if the answer to any of the following questions is yes, you likely have a serious problem with this sin:
- Have you told yourself numerous times, “This is the last time I’ll do this,” and failed to stay away? (lack of control)
- Do you find yourself having the urge to view when you are under stress or as a way to feel good? (craving)
- Do you view in spite of what might happen if you get caught? (lack of fear of consequences)
- Are you frustrated by a sense of being powerless against this sin at times? (compulsion)
We also recommend you check out the FAQ about whether addiction is sin or disease.
NO. According to studies or surveys compiled by Covenant Eyes:
Among general public:
“Today, 68% of young adult men and 18% of women use porn at least once every week. Another 17% of men and another 30% of women use porn 1-2 times per month. This means for 85% of young men and nearly half of young women, watching porn is at least a monthly activity.”
Among Christians:
“50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women say they are addicted to pornography.”
Among workers called into ministry:
“51% of pastors say Internet pornography is a possible temptation.”
Remember that anything that is contrary to God’s Word and will is sin, whether it is our thoughts, our words or our deeds. Jesus warns us: “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matthew 15:19). Our Savior also warned in his sermon on the mount: “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Viewing pornography is heart sexual immorality (for single people) and heart adultery (for married people)—sins against God. The child of God will want to escape and avoid the sin of pornography. They can and will do this by remembering that God has cleansed them from all of their sins which empowers them to “leave their life of sin.”
Pornography objectifies people and creates unrealistic expectations for sex that are completely void of the intimacy God intends. Pornography can be very addictive. Pornography encourages the abuse of women. The harm of pornography on your child extends beyond a guilty conscience and a damaged understanding of God’s design for sex. Pornography harms self-image and leads to lack of confidence and low self-worth.
A few basic ideas are crucial for you right now:
- Personal repentance: Make sure to consistently confess your own sin against God and against him. That will keep your heart tender and your spirit compassionate.
- Prayer: God changes things through prayer. “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other,” James said, “so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16) Don’t underestimate the power of a prayer in Jesus’ name. Pray for the heart. Pray for eyes to be opened to the goodness of God that led our Father to label lust as demonic and destructive. Pray for your ability to forgive and love just as Jesus loves you.
- Community: You need mature Christian friends to help you through this. You don’t need “friends” who pounce and just get angry just to make you feel better. You do need friends who love the addict, love their soul, love your marriage, and will be honest with you both. The Proverbs say, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses,” so turn to friends who will be honest with you for the sake of your marriage and your spiritual health.
Helpful Articles
Other Resources
As a friend or a family member trying to help someone you care about escape pornography use, it may be helpful to learn about the other resources we provide to help the person struggling to Reject Satan’s lies (Myself page). You may also wish to be an ally for a spouse or significant other who has been hurt by the actions of the porn user. We recommend you learn about the resources to help that person Recover from the wreckage of porn use on the Spouse of Significant Other page.