Resist

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The Safest Place

I attended a conference earlier this year and heard a presentation from Elyse Fitzpatrick, a Christian counselor and author, who has been counseling for more than 50 years. During a Q&A following her presentation, she was asked what progress she has seen the Christian church make over the last 50 years in the field of counseling.

She answered, “One place I think we’ve seen a lot of progress is in caring for women who are in abusive relationships. I think it’s a good thing, and we’re finally doing that better. We don’t really get it yet, but I think that people are trying to do a better job caring for women who are in abusive relationships, whereas let’s say 15 years ago people would say, ‘Oh you’re having trouble with your husband, it’s because you need to submit more.’ I trust that that’s changing. I think I see a push for that.”

The pastor interviewing her then asked, “You’ve done a ton of counseling over the years. Was that a common response?” She replied, “Yeah, very common. Over and over, yes. And I’ll be honest, you know, there was – I’m trying to think carefully – I don’t think I saw the way abuse, I don’t think I saw it in Christian marriages the way I see it now.” The interviewer asked, “Can you expand on that? How do you see it now?”

Fitzpatrick answered, “I think a lot of what passes for the way that women, Christian women, are told to be in their marriages, I think that that gives birth to or weight to really abusive relationships.”

The interviewer then asked what she meant by that, so she gave the example of a man who has a problem with pornography and said, “And that’s not like so unusual, like 65% of men in the church say that they view porn more than once a month.”

“So, a woman comes in and she says, ‘My husband’s got this porn thing happening.’ And she’s told, ‘Well, you know, if you’d lose 15 pounds…’”

The pastor asked, “So that’s the counsel people are getting?” “Uh, yeah,” she answered, “You know, be more sexually available, because his sin is your fault. See, women are saying ‘yeah’? [referencing women in attendance who were vocalizing their validation of what she was describing] Because that’s a true thing that women are told…”

“‘Your husband has a problem with pornography, because you don’t want, you’re not sexually available to him all the time. Your husband gets angry with you because you’re not submitting enough.’”

It was my favorite moment of the three-day conference. I share the story, because too often I hear from pastors that what she describes is rare. But the testimonies I hear from women who reach out through the Conquerors through Christ website tell me that this experience is not rare.

According to Barna Research, 68% of church-going men seek out online pornography at least once per month, as well as about a third of church-going women. WELS is not immune to these stats.

I have heard from and about too many of our sisters in Christ who say the counsel they received from their WELS pastor was to be more sexually active, more sexually available, and more sexually willing. This essentially downplayed their husbands’ adulterous activity. They were told that their husband’s porn problem is, at least in part, their fault. While it is good that we have compassion for a man addicted to pornography, we cannot let that cause a lack of compassion for the woman who is left feeling unloved, unseen, and unvalued because of his addiction.

Let us not misapply Ephesians 5:22 and ask women to submit to their husbands’ sin. 1 Corinthians 7:4 does not give a man the right to objectify his wife as he attempts to excite himself by acting out a fiction he has seen. We need to recognize that the majority of the people in our congregations are either addicted to pornography, married to someone who is, or raising someone who is. This experience is sadly commonplace, and perhaps the reason we don’t realize it is we have shown ourselves to be dismissive of the struggle many women in particular face around this issue.

Pastors need to trust women. When a woman comes to her pastor and tells him that she knows her husband is actively viewing porn, the pastor needs to not only trust everything she says as true, but the pastor also needs to recognize that what she is doing is very difficult for her to do. She has finally brought herself to tell her pastor because she trusts him, and she needs help. God has particularly wired women for meaningful relationships, and in that moment, many of her meaningful relationships are threatened! Women who are hurting like this are part of our body as the church and we need to listen to every part of our body.

When a woman does the hard thing of telling her pastor about an issue that pains her, she needs a pastor who tells her that she’s not alone, she’s not the only one, and there is hope.

When a woman does the hard thing of telling her pastor about an issue that pains her, she needs a pastor who tells her that she’s not alone, she’s not the only one, and there is hope. Yes, there will be a time to work through forgiving her spouse and rebuilding trust, and maybe, God-willing, re-establishing intimacy. But that will take time, and it cannot be our first word to women who have been sinned against by the porn use of their husband.

Jesus says that the merciful will receive mercy, but first he says that those who mourn will be comforted. (Matt 5:4,7)

Let’s lead with comfort, brother pastors, and continue to remind our wounded sisters in Christ that in all our days of faithlessness, our faithful Husband, the Lord Jesus, holds on to us. He enables us to stand. He has already forgiven all our lovelessness.

Jesus perfectly loved his spouse (the Church) and that’s our record.

The Holy Spirit continues to enable us to walk this road and causes us to remember how he has loved us. He is faithful. We are not. But he loves us faithfully in spite of the weakness of our love. That’s good news and it’s the only news that will enable her to love and forgive her spouse, a fellow sinner, as he walks toward truth with her.

Loving and forgiving her spouse does not mean she needs to stay married. Maybe she will, and that can be great. But first, he needs to stop, and he needs help. In fact, stating that fact is the first step in helping that sister begin to show mercy. Only when his behavior is called out as the sin that it is can her heart be softened by Jesus’ love for her. Only when she hears that her Savior is on her side can she begin to see Him as an ally and stand with Him to forgive her husband.

Brad Snyder is a pastor in Boise, Idaho and serves as the chairman for Conquerors through Christ.

American Made, Globally Played

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Sixty seven countries speak English as their official language. Despite the official agreement on that count, many of them have dialects and accents that make it difficult for some from the United States to understand them. But inversely, almost every English speaker understands a North American accent. Sure, there may be some confusion with idioms and turns of phrase, but on the whole the message gets across. A lot of messages get across. Why is this? Everyone watches TV shows from the U.S., everyone sees movies from the U.S., and yes, everyone watches porn from the U.S. Granted, “everyone” is an exaggeration. But the United States is an unparalleled media content creator with global influence. This means that aspects of U.S. culture are being broadcast to the world, and not all of them are beneficial.

Among these is the trivialization of sexuality that is present in many shows and movies. Name a popular sitcom, late night show, or drama series, and it is sure to include lewd jokes, contempt for a biblical view of sex, and approval for worldly ways of interacting with sexual desires. The internet allows these ideas to make their way all over the globe, including to countries that still hold more traditional views of marriage and sex. For better or worse, what the U.S. is doing impacts far more people than just its residents. The Daily Mail reported that the United States produces 60% of the world’s pornography. While this number is from a decade ago, the growth in the industry cataloged by IbisWorld displays a steady increase since then. Aided by a jump during the COVID-19 pandemic, the industry is now worth over a billion dollars annually.

To make this more concrete, the percentage of the world that has consistent access to clean water is just a little higher than those who have access to the internet. Online porn is almost as easy to get globally as a glass of potable water.

What can we take away from this? Perhaps a little bit of perspective. Despite what the older generations may lament and what we may see in media, the U.S. is not uniquely struggling with a problem of sexual depravity. Pornography is a sin problem, not an isolated social result of a secularizing culture. And sin can be found wherever we look in this world. Porn consumption is not as much a matter of acceptance as of availability. Where it can be watched, it will be. This is one of the biggest downsides of the internet; vast amounts of immoral material are available to anyone with an internet connection and mobile device.

I am not saying this to make the situation seem hopeless, to shame ‘those people,’ or to discourage the members of the body of Christ who are involved in this fight. I’m saying it to lead us to realize that it is a fight! To the death.That every one of us participates in. Paul in his letter to the church in Rome says, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.” Every day in the life of a Christian is a fight to put to death the desires of our sinful flesh. And since the fall into sin when the first married couple, Adam and Eve, looked at each other’s nakedness and felt shame, sexual sins have been among the most pervasive. This goes beyond just physical action, as Jesus explained. To even look with lust at someone is to break the sixth commandment. As one of my professors put it, “The Devil wants you to think that there is an acceptable margin of error as you live your Christian life. There isn’t.” Millions of people, millions of Christians, find themselves in this imaginary margin with their porn use.

Prepare yourself for battle. The fight against pornography is difficult. You may be tempted to stay in the lie of that margin. It’s a comfortable place to be, but is also a soul-endangering place to be. Jesus had some strong illustrations about the danger of sin. Better to lose a hand than sin and lose heaven. But he also provides the most loving and welcoming place to those who want to escape their sins. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

For this reason the crucial first step to freedom from porn is confession. But it is incredibly hard to do. All of our sinful flesh and the hordes of hell scream at us to remain unseen in the margin. But may God give us all strength not to stay there, whatever the sin that keeps us there. Confession will not be the end of the struggle, but it is certainly the beginning of the end. We all must daily put to death our sinful flesh. That is why confiding in a trusted Christian friend, family member, or pastor is so important for breaking addiction to sin. They can provide accountability day by day, redirection when we fall, and heap on the message of God’s overflowing forgiveness and boundless grace. Brothers and sisters, do not live in the margin. Flee the sinfulness of the flesh. Run to Christ, who gave his life for the sins of the whole world, which includes you.

Jonas Landwehr is a first year student at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary.

You Are Forgiven

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Doug was a middle-aged man with all he could ask for. He had a wonderful wife, three charming kids, and a solid job. He was a regular attender of church services and served on a few boards. The congregation knew him as a backbone of many projects and plans. If you needed someone, whether it was to fix your car or give you emotional support, Doug was your man. But Doug struggled with lust. He had a wandering eye. He knew it was wrong–he had a wife! No matter how hard he tried, he kept on feeling more and more guilty…

Katherine was a high honors college student, on her way to becoming valedictorian. She participated in two sports and volunteered her free time in a program to help those with special needs. She was by no means the most popular girl in the class, but everyone who spent time with her enjoyed her company. But Katherine struggled with porn. Sure, she kept it a secret, and that made it even worse. She felt like a fraud, because she looked so good on the outside but was filthy on the inside…

Stephen was the oldest member in his congregation. He was of a good age of seventy-eight, and was still blessed with excellent health–never been hospitalized in his life. He was everyone’s grandpa. That’s just what his personality was made for. But he was haunted by the one night back in high school when he and a girl took it a little too far…

Now, go back and consider those situations again. What if those stories weren’t about Doug, Katherine or Stephen….but about you?

Maybe those stories aren’t exactly your story, but if you’re someone who has ever struggled with sexual sin, you can relate, can’t you? You feel the emotions, the guilt, the loneliness, the darkness. You are the one who struggles with lust. You are the one who can’t escape porn. You are the unmarried one who had sex that one night. You are.

Do you ever feel like David did when Nathan confronted him about his sin? David, the one after God’s own heart, lusted after Bathsheba, took her just to satisfy his sexual desire, and then tried all he could to keep it secret. The great king of Israel fell so low to become an adulterer, murderer, and liar. God sent Nathan to David, and after his story about the king, the poor man and his lamb, Nathan cried out to David, “You are the man!” (II Samuel 12:7). Immediately, he had a guilt-ridden conscience. Read Psalm 32 and you may see that in a few verses. Do you ever sense that accusing finger of God’s law pointed right at you like Nathan’s finger was pointed at David?

The Law completely destroys you. The Gospel builds you back up.

The Law completely destroys you. The Gospel builds you back up. Just like David, you confess, “I have sinned against the Lord” (II Samuel 12:13). And what Nathan said to David is just as true for you: “The Lord has taken away your sin.” God’s promise rings in the guilty heart: “he forgives wickedness and remembers sin no more” (Jeremiah 31:34). That’s what he promised. That’s why Christ suffered and died. To forgive your sin. To pay for it. To make you holy in God’s eyes.

That sin has been wiped completely away. It’s gone. But the consequences still linger–King David experienced that, too. He was graciously forgiven but that son born from his selfish sexual act died. I’m not in the position to break down all the things that still linger from your sin. I don’t know what they are. You might. But I am in the position to tell you that Christ has paid the price for your sin.

You were dead in your sin. You used to live in the ways of the world. You gratified the thoughts and desires of your sinful nature. You were by nature an object of God’s wrath. But because of his great love with which he loved us, God, rich in mercy, made you alive in Christ when you were dead in your sin. By grace you have been saved. You were dead. But now, you are alive. (Ephesians 2)

You are the one who is forgiven. I am the one who is forgiven. God’s love is great! The consequences of sin still linger in this world, but the ultimate punishment has been absorbed by God in Jesus.

In God’s eyes, your story isn’t a story of sexual sin, but of righteousness.

In God’s eyes, your story isn’t a story of sexual sin, but of righteousness. You are his loved son or daughter. So, count yourself differently.

Romans 6:10–11 says, “The death [Jesus] died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.”

To “count yourselves” means to think about yourselves differently than what appears to be true on the outside. The consequences of sin say something, but that’s not who you are in Christ.

Be who he has made you to be!

Nathaniel Brauer is a first-year student at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary.

Idol of Love

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Does Love Conquer All?

“Love Conquers All” is one of those phrases that people think belongs to the Bible that doesn’t really belong to the Bible. It belongs to a classical Roman poet by the name of Virgil, taken from book X of his Eclogues. It was written nearly 100 years before any of the New Testament was recorded. Like most powerful false beliefs, there is an element of truth in it. But ultimately, no, human love cannot solve all of our problems. Nonetheless, millions of us pursue it as though it has such power.

Many are controlled by the quest for romantic love. Have you met the young woman who simply cannot stand to be single because her personal value is so wrapped up in her association to and acceptance from a man? Have you met the woman who is so bitter and jaded regarding men that she has sworn off them altogether and will take any chance that she gets to tell you how they’re “good for nothing”? In different ways, both of these women show that their lives are controlled by the power of romantic love. Have you heard of the man who is such a chicken when it comes to intimacy and so selfish when it comes to pleasure that his most desired way to interact with women is behind closed doors through pornography? Have you met the man who has no desire to lead his family but idly sits back and sheepishly makes most decisions in his life simply with the goal of not upsetting his wife? In different ways, both of these men are controlled by the power of romantic love. I intentionally chose these examples so that you could see that not only on the extreme ends of aggressive dominance or passive neediness, but virtually everywhere in between, humans are inclined to do what they do so that they can somehow fill that gaping hole inside of them that seems to be crying out for intimacy and love. As the irreverently insightful 21st century sociologist and pop diva Ke$ha has noted, many live by the motto “Your Love is My Drug.” (I think I probably just ruined the word “insightful.”)

Jacob’s Quest for Love

There is an edgy, painful Old Testament account that quite clearly shows the futility of holding up romantic love as the answer to your problems. It is found in Genesis 29. Jacob, the son of Isaac and Rebekah, has stolen the birthright of his brother Esau. Why would he do such a thing, stealing from his brother by deceiving his father? Jacob wanted a piece of his father that his father wouldn’t give him….love. Isaac had favored Esau, the older, more manly of the two sons. The Bible says that “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Gen 25:28) Jacob thought that if he could only get that birthright, then maybe he could quiet the inner demons that had convinced him he was unworthy of his father’s love and therefore worthless. So he got the birthright by any means necessary. And now his older brother was furious. Fearing the vengeance of Esau, Jacob fled from his home in Beersheba to the location of his Uncle Laban in Paddan Aram.

When Jacob got to Paddan Aram, he went to the region’s local watering hole (apparently the place where desperate singles went looking for companionship even then). While at the well, Jacob, for the first time, laid his eyes on the woman that he’d fall head over heels for, Laban’s daughter Rachel. This was the woman, so he thought, that would fill the void inside of him left by the absence of his father’s love. Just look at the reaction he has at first meeting: “When Jacob saw Rachel…(he) kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud.” (Gen 29:10-11) He’s lovesick. He must have her. Jacob goes to work for Laban (Rachel’s father) as a shepherd. Laban recognizes that even though Jacob is his family, he still deserves to be paid, so he asks Jacob what his price for labor is. Jacob responds, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” (Gen 29:18) Just so we’re clear here, in ancient cultures, this type of bride-price dowry would have been fairly customary. However, this specific amount was enormous. It’s obvious that Jacob wants Rachel. He wants her badly, and Laban knows it.

Upon completion of his seven years of labor, Jacob goes to Laban and demands marriage to Rachel. But look at his language. He sounds like an addict in need of a fix, which wasn’t that far from the truth. He says, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.” (Gen 29:21) Bible commentators will tell you that the words that Jacob speaks here are unusually coarse and carnal, but that should be obvious. Remember, he’s basically saying to Rachel’s father, “I need to have sex with your daughter right now!”

Laban agreed to make the wedding happen. They celebrated a grand feast, complete with ample adult beverages. At that time, brides were veiled until the consummation of the marriage. So, perhaps with the combination of a veil, the dim night light, and a couple too many drinks, Jacob failed to recognize that Uncle Laban had pulled the old switcheroo on him – he had substituted his older daughter Leah in the wedding ceremony for the one Jacob had loved, Rachel. And in the morning light, Jacob was just now realizing that he had spent his first night with his wife, but his wife was not Rachel.

It’s worth noting the Bible’s comparison between the two daughters of Laban. Genesis 29:17 says that “Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.” Scholars have debated exactly what it meant that Leah’s eyes were “weak.” Some have suggested that perhaps she had bad eyesight. But if that was the case, the text would likely say that Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had very strong eyes. No, the contrast here is between Rachel’s tremendous beauty and Leah’s “weak eyes,” which leads us to assume that the phrase “weak eyes” is describing Leah as having an unattractive appearance. What’s abundantly apparent is that Rachel is a hottie and Leah is unfortunately a nottie. Jacob had fallen for Rachel and become obsessed with possessing her because of her great beauty.

Disappointed by Love

Understandably, Jacob is furious to find out that Laban had duped him into taking the wrong daughter as his bride. He confronted Laban about it. Laban offered up a lame excuse about how it’s not customary in his land to give away the younger daughter before the older daughter. So, Laban is to blame for being shady. However, Jacob shares the blame here as well for letting his hormones and obsession blind his good judgment. When he’d first asked Laban to marry Rachel, Laban never actually said “Yes.” He said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” (Gen 29:19) That’s it. Perhaps Jacob would have picked up on Laban’s shadiness about the situation had he not been so obsessed with making a good thing (Rachel’s beauty) the ultimate thing (an idol) that he thought could cure his inner hurt.

By the way, if you’re wondering, men still try to do this with female beauty today as well. Old men dump their wives in favor of younger women because they think such romantic love will make them young again. Young men try to sleep with as many women as possible, simply because they’re trying to use such “romance” to validate their own prowess and power. Sleazy, right? Jacob using female beauty to try to solve his problems was a little sleazy. In that sense, men today are a little sleazy as well. But the truth is that every man who thinks that he can validate himself through sex, thinks he’s going to bed with Rachel, but wakes up realizing it’s Leah. What I mean is this – many men think that sleeping with a hot chick sounds like a good idea at the time, but the next morning, the guilt, regret, shame, and the weight of long-term emotional damage to two lives sets in. In general, romantic love & unbridled passion, if it truly is your god, will not solve your problems, it will destroy your life.

I don’t mean for this analogy to sound callous to Leah. But we have to be honest about the situation. Jacob didn’t truly love her. God was sympathetic to Leah about this as well, which is why he opened her womb while he closed Rachel’s. You see, the story continues as Jacob worked another seven years for Laban to receive Rachel as his wife, creating the most awkward of marital situations – two wives competing for their husband’s affection. In fact, in the next chapter of Genesis, the two women trade “who gets to sleep with Jacob tonight” for some mandrakes – what kind of messed up life is this! (Interestingly, both women valued these mandrakes so much because in ancient cultures, mandrakes were viewed as both an aphrodisiac, which Leah thought might help Jacob become more attracted to her, and as a fertility boost, which Rachel thought might help her conceive, causing Jacob to appreciate her more). Both were absolutely desperate for his love.

Obviously crushed by Jacob’s rejection of her in favor of her sister’s beauty, Leah rejoices when she first becomes pregnant by Jacob. Look at what she says, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” (Gen 29:32) You see, romantic love controlled her life as much as it had controlled Jacob’s. She had a void inside of her that was caused by someone who was supposed to love her (her husband) not loving her. And now her desire for children is for all the wrong reasons. Leah becomes pregnant twice more with the hope that it will force Jacob to love her. Finally, when she conceives her fourth son, Leah gets it. Leah, who has reached rock bottom in trying to make romantic love answer her life problems, has a fourth son named Judah, and she says about him, “This time I will praise the LORD.” (Gen 29:35). After all this time, Leah now discovered that only the LORD can truly fill the void for love inside of us. Romance cannot. And if we believe all the Hugh Grant movies and Celine Dion anthems that tell us it can, then romantic love has become an idol for us, and it will be a curse in our lives, not a blessing.

Romantic, physical, intimate love is a beautiful thing. When used properly, it is seen as the great blessing from God that it is. I’m not suggesting otherwise. But it’s not the greatest thing.

Truly Fulfilling Love

The only one who can truly fill the inner void left by those who didn’t love us as they should have is Jesus. And fascinatingly, in the godly sense, Jesus descended from heaven, and in the worldly sense, he descended from the womb of…..Leah. Yes, he was the scepter who would come through her son Judah (Isaiah 49:10). No one knew rejection of earthly love like he did. Physical romance was not even part of his life, because the bride that he’d be coming back for was his Church. And yet he suffered and died to pay for all of the times we’ve mistakenly thought that human love would conquer all.

For those who have lived a single and celibate life, heaven holds an intimacy for you that far surpasses any moments of pleasure from this world.

For those who have been unloved by those who should have loved you, heaven holds for you a feeling of absolute completion, satisfaction, and unity that the missed love of your father, mother, ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend, or ex-girlfriend never could have offered you anyway.

And for all of us, in this lifetime, sometimes, by God’s grace through the relationships that God blesses us with, we catch glimpses of what love really is. In heaven, we’ll know it so well that we can’t help but praise the LORD.

Thanks to author Pastor James Hein of St. Marcus Lutheran Church in Milwaukee, WI. This article is adapted from content that originally appeared on “Crossing my mind. Mind on the cross.” pastorjameshein.wordpress.com

Sex and the City

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In the late 90s, HBO started becoming perceived as less of simply a cable video store as it started producing more of its own original content. Some of Hollywood’s talented younger writers, directors, and producers saw in the premium channel less restriction from Standards and Practices censorship and more creative license for their product. Consequently, HBO started producing edgy, highly acclaimed original series such as The Sopranos, Oz, and a critical darling targeted at young women called Sex and the City.

In many ways, SATC was considered a knockoff of an earlier network sitcom called The Golden Girls, which was only able to get away with half of its content because people considered little old ladies talking about sex as cute, quirky, and harmless enough.

The show follows a New York City writer named Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie is also the show’s narrator, and every episode is structured around an article she happens to be writing that week for a relationship column in a New York newspaper.

While in the 80s, a weekly show like Sex and the City, starring mostly women, addressing the content matter that it did, would have most likely been considered nearly unconscionable by the collective American public. But by the late 90s, it was met with great critical and consumer fanfare. In its six-season span, the show collected 54 Emmy nominations, 24 Golden Globe nominations, and 11 Screen Actors Guild nominations. Despite all its accolades, many Christians have denounced the overtly lewd and immoral content of the show. They’re not wrong, but we can still learn something from the influence of Sex and the City. The show is another painful reminder that Hollywood beat the church to the punch on the important issue of talking about sex. The Christian Church, by and large, shied away from openly and honestly addressing the delicate issue of sexuality for years and years and years. Sex and the City wasn’t shy at all. And while there is such a thing as an inappropriate fascination with the topic, it’s preposterous to have young people learning about sex primarily from locker rooms, or the internet, or TV, especially when you consider how much it’s on the minds of sexually maturing human beings.

GOD is the one who created humans to be sexual beings. Yes, God invented sex! God even inspired nearly an entire book of the Bible to be recorded about it – you know that one that remains virtually unstudied in most Bibles – Song of Songs? If we as Christian leaders and parents don’t have the courage to address difficult topics with young people who are naturally going to be curious, there eventually going to be instructed by someone (or some show) that shapes their understanding of what exactly is sexually “normal” and “healthy.” What will curious Christians conclude about sex from Game of Thrones, or from Ozark, or from Euphoria? They’re drawing a lot more conclusions from TV when mature Christians are silent about sex.

What was “magical” about Sex and the City?

Even apart from the risqué content of the show, from what I’ve seen, I found the show virtually unwatchable because of the main character’s notorious overuse of “puns” – the lowest, most groan-inducing form of humor I can imagine. The show is littered with them. My personal preferences notwithstanding, the show was, and continues to be, enormously influential.

The show reflected on television what many women were experiencing in real life: extravagant fashion, having a gay best friend, having multiple boyfriends, occasional one-night stands, women working outside of the home, the glamour of Manhattan. Some of those are good for a professional woman; some are neutral; some are certainly unhelpful influences, but seeing these things visible in mass media has endeared SATC to millions of women.

Okay, so how has it influenced us…spiritually?

A primary influence is overt sexuality, especially female sexuality. The overt sexuality in Sex and the City is far from God’s design. One of my favorite biblical warnings about human sexuality is what the Apostle Paul says to the Ephesians, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.” (Eph. 5:3) What was once “hinted at” on TV, SATC went ahead and told the whole secret.

When Paul writes to the Romans, he mentions the commonness of departure from God’s design for human sexuality amongst females as a benchmark for how far a society has fallen from God – “Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.” (Rom. 1:26)

For one reason or another, American media has historically presented women as more sexually virtuous than men. In the past, when Americans turned on the television they were accustomed to the male characters mentioning sex, pursuing sex, and feeling good about sex—even if it was immoral. (It’s not a great compliment to gentlemen.) Christians who strive for “not even a hint of sexual immorality” recognize stereotypes of male sexuality in media as problematic. In the past few decades, Hollywood has proposed a solution to that problem: They will portray female characters talking about sex, pursuing pleasure, and feeling good about sex—even if it’s immoral. Sex has always been part of God’s world for men and women alike, but a television show featuring women and their sexuality felt like something new for American media. SATC was part of a new era in which sexually liberated women on TV are just as far from God’s design for sex as the men on TV. It’s not hard to imagine some long-term implications for real life men and women.

To put it in other terms, a recent survey I was reading of 29,000 people at North American universities suggested that 51% of men spent up to five hours per week online for sexual purposes. The number of women in that category is 16%. Is the solution to that iniquity to help more women find sexual pleasure online? Maybe that’s the solution big porn companies want. Some women, the Sex and the City girls included, have taken the “may as well join them” attitude about sex. But that’s not the solution God wants. It’s also not what Christians want.

God’s solution is to satisfy the deep longings of every man’s heart and every woman’s not with a shallow click, or a temporary rush of dopamine, but with the unconditional approval of his grace-filled smile. God’s solution is to assure us that he will walk beside us as we navigate webs of temptation and he’ll bring support and forgiveness to every day. God’s solution is grace. God’s grace is what the Apostle Paul wrote about to his friend Titus, “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope.” (Titus 2:11-12) That blessed hope of heaven and the grace of God that makes it possible is far superior to learning about sex from television shows.

God’s grace is unimaginably better than the good life as described on Sex and the City, or any other television show. But don’t wait for Hollywood to produce a show with the theme: “the grace of God teaches us to live godly lives.” Influencing the culture in that direction is our job.

5 Lessons From Colossians For Accountability Partners

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5 Lessons From Colossians For Accountability Partners

I invite you to open up your Bible to Colossians 2:20–3:17 and take a few minutes to meditate on Paul’s words. If you have an accountability partner or you are an accountability partner, you may want to study this section of Scripture together the next time you meet. If you don’t already have the habit of reading the Bible together regularly, this little exercise can be a good first step.

A little background: Paul wrote this letter to a church he had not planted which was located in Asia Minor, which is modern day Turkey. Epaphras, one of the church leaders, had visited Paul in Rome because the Colossians Christians were apparently under attack from a false teaching that wanted to add to Jesus’ work. The implications of the false doctrine were that Jesus was not enough and the Colossians ended to do more. So, throughout the letter, Paul responded by presenting Jesus as the One who is above all and completely sufficient. Jesus is the best. You don’t need anything more. In this final section of the letter, Paul focuses on actions the Colossians Christians could pursue, but he never leaves the gospel far behind. Its motivation continues even into the application.

Please read Colossians 2:20–3:17 with this question in mind: What words, truths, and phrases would be good to remember when encouraging someone in their Christian life? Write them down. There are a lot! How do they change or strengthen the way you want to help people, especially your accountability partner?

Here are 5 points you may want to highlight:

1. Mere rules don’t deeply change the heart.

Paul writes, “Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.” In conversations with ourselves or with others, we are tempted to jump to making lists of rules. We want to rely on the law. The law even excites us because what it offers seems within our reach. But Paul says, “They lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.” If we want true change, we must start with the heart.

2. We are connected to Christ.

We have died and have been raised with Christ. Our life is now hidden within him. This reality is the heart change that we needed. Christ needs to remain the central element of our conversations about sin and forgiveness AND in our lives of gratitude. We don’t graduate from needing Christ. We grow deeper in him.

3. Death is painful and essential.

Paul shares a list of sins we struggle with and tells us to put them to death. He doesn’t say, “Put them aside for a while.” He doesn’t say, “Wean yourselves off these vices.” He says, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature.” And death is painful. These lusts, greed, immoralities, and evil desires don’t want to leave! They are happy where they are and want to take more control. Paul says, “Put them to death.”

4. Fill your heart with meaningful things.

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love are the good things God wants us to clothe ourselves with. We don’t just want to rid ourselves of the evil; we want God’s good virtues to take their place. We strive toward these virtues. How does each one look in your life?

5. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.

God’s word keeps us connected to him as we live and encourage those around us. It is not fluff. God’s word is meant for our lives, no matter how tough they are. If we need admonishment, it is there. If we need forgiveness, it is there. If we need teaching, it is there. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.

Author: Nathan Schulte serves as a missionary in WELS missions in Latin America. He lives in Quito, Ecuador.

Where’s Your Focus?

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What does the voice in your head sound like?

C’mon . . . I know you have one. It’s not about talking to yourself or about admitting to the “voices in your head,” but about the one inner voice you’ve had for as long as you can remember. It’s probably the voice you hear up there as you’re reading this. Or, maybe it’s the voice that’s about to say, “what is this guy even talking about?”

Yeah, that one.

We all have an inner voice, but you know who doesn’t? The absolute rest of God’s creation. From everything scientists can tell, other animals don’t really think about what they’re doing before they do it – at least, not like humans do. Dog sees a treat. Dog eats the treat. The dog might hesitate if there’s danger in the way, but it’s not going to count the Weight Watcher points, think about beach season or wonder later if they really should’ve indulged.

In the same way, a tree doesn’t think about growing. A rock doesn’t think about . . . uh, rocking.

The Latin name for humans is actually related to this very point: Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Some simply translate that, “The very wise man,” but that’s not quite right. It literally means, “The man who knows that he knows.” Or, even clearer, it can mean, “the man who thinks about his thinking.”

When God breathed into Adam and gave him (and thus all of us) a rational soul, it sparked within mankind the ability not only to think about our actions, but also to examine our own thoughts. It is a tremendous gift, but . . . like everything sin touches, it can also be a tremendous burden.

I’ll ask again. What does the voice in your head sound like?

For many, the voice in their head sounds a lot like a narrator voiceover in a TV show about their life. Our inherent narcissism paints us as the lead character in our very own sitcom with everyone else either as a supporting role or as the villain.

At other times, our inner voice sounds like the scene in a court room drama. Satan whispers about our innumerable wrongs and we either tell ourselves stories to defend our actions (to an audience of one, no less) or we play prosecutor and wrack ourselves with guilt.

In either of those scenarios, it’s clear that we’ve taken a tremendous gift of God and done what mankind always does with God’s good and gracious gifts – we’ve ruined them by making it all about us.

There’s actually a fancy Latin term for that as well, incurvates in se. Literally, “curved inward on oneself.” Saint Augustine was likely the first to use the term, but it later gained quite a bit of traction in the works of Martin Luther who was both a fan of Augustine in general (being a member of the Augustibiab Order as a monk) but also the concept that so much of our problems in life have to do with being too preoccupied on ourselves.

In his “Lectures on Romans,” Luther wrote:

“Our nature, by the corruption of the first sin being so deeply curved ib on itself (incurvates in se) that it not only bends the best gifts of God towards itself and enjoys them, as is plain in the works-righteous and hypocrites, or rather even uses God himself in order to attain these gifts, but it also fails to realize that it so wickedly, curvedly, and viciously seeks all things, even God, for its own sake.”

This is our human condition in a nutshell. What does the voice in our head sound like? It sounds self-obsessed, self-absorbed and unable to really diagnose the condition of anything outside of our immediate wants and needs.

The English idiom, “navel-gaze” is related to this concept as well, and that’s a pretty solid picture for the life of a human—so curved in on oneself that we not only can’t see the forest for the trees, we can’t even see the trees past our own belly buttons.

This presents a huge problem in how we deal with the sin in our life.

One of Satan’s greatest weapons is isolating a sinner within his sin. Our natural inclination to think only of ourselves makes his assaults so much easier. And so, what starts as a seemingly harmless impulse or as toeing the line between right and wrong leaves us alone, broken and in a metaphorical (or perhaps literal) fetal position too curved in on ourselves to be of any use to anyone, let alone ourselves.

It plays out in the moment. “This sin can’t hurt anyone,” we tell ourselves. Of course, miles down life’s road, that same sin can be remembered as the start of a painful, destructive process. A little foresight would be nice, but we were too busy being curved in on ourselves and thinking only of what we wanted.

Even more dangerously, this plays out in how we deal with guilt and shame . . . internalizing over and over and over again. Making not only the sin about us, but also the punishment and forgiveness all about how we feel in any given moment.

God, save us from this!

He has.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains,” Psalm 121 says. “Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

This Psalm of Ascents was written to be sung as worshippers were on their way up to the Temple, built on a literal mountain (Mount Zion). It’s also, traditionally, a Psalm used by the Christian Church in Lent—a time where we are encouraged to think soberly about our heart’s condition and where we have more muted praise as we ponder our Lord’s passion.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains . . .” Is there anything more powerful than the picture of a sinner finally straightening up to focus on something other than themselves? This, of course, is not done by our own power, but only through Jesus’ sacrifice and by the work of the Holy Spirit.

As we fit our eyes to the mountains, we focus on Mount Calvary where Jesus paid the full atonement for all sin—large, small, habitual, life-damaging, relationship-ruining and the like. As we look for the solution in ourselves, God straightens us up and our weary eyes learn to focus on his son, a solution that was there all along.

And, so, we fix our eyes on yet another mountain, Mount Zion once again. This time, as a picture of Heaven used over and over throughout scripture, a Heaven that is yours, a Heaven that is already won for you, a Heaven that is full of the richest pleasures we could never find within ourselves.

Author: Michael Schottey, Palm Coast, Florida

Love That Won’t Disappoint

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Valentine’s Day was awesome.

You know, back in the second grade when you had the parties at the end of the school day. When you passed out the fun Looney Tunes Valentines to all your classmates. When you got to consume loads of sugar.

You remember those Valentine’s Days? They were great!

And then you get older. And Valentine’s Day changes. And it becomes more complex. They can still be great, but they certainly become different.

If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you get tired of hearing about everyone else’s plans. Perhaps you put on a brave face and act like it doesn’t bother you, but deep down, it stings. Deep down, you wish you had plans as well.

If you’re dating or married, there’s pressure to make sure this day is special. There’s pressure to live up to some sort of standard. You don’t want to let your significant other down.

Social media has added another layer to this. You see the Facebook and Instagram posts of friends and acquaintances of all these “perfect” Valentine’s Days.

When it comes to Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to stress out. It’s easy to covet. It’s easy to be envious of other relationships. At the end of it all, it can even feel like a letdown.

And here is where the devil often likes to strike.

This is often the time the devil will tempt you to turn to a convenient lover. A lover that he says won’t let you down. This lover is there for you when nobody else wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with you. This lover is there for you when your significant other lets you down. This is, of course, how the devil makes this lover look. This lover, of course, is pornography. But despite how tempting the devil makes this lover look, all it ever does is let you down. All it does is bring guilt and shame.

As Valentine’s Day comes and goes, I encourage you to assess the situation that you’re in. The concept of love and relationships will be everywhere. It will be on television, social media, at the store, and many other places.

Assess your relationship status.

If you’re single. rejoice! Celebrate the blessing that is and recognize all the blessings in life that come from that.

If you’re dating, rejoice! Celebrate the relationship you have as you learn what you want in a future spouse. Know that Valentine’s Day will be unique to you.

If you’re married, rejoice! Celebrate the love that your spouse gives and see all the strengths your spouse brings to your relationship.

Whether you are single, dating, or married, you are able to rejoice and recognize all the blessings in life.

You are able to do that because of Christ. You are able to do that because your most important status is secure. You are a redeemed child of God!

In (Jesus) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins . . . (Ephesians 1:7).

Jesus went to the cross, gave his life, shed his blood . . . for you. Jesus went to the cross to wash away your sins. Jesus went to the cross to redeem you, and make you his child. Jesus accomplished that, and that will never change.

It is finished (John 19:30).

Because you are a child of God, you have a purpose. God has a plan for you. And no matter what your earthly situation is, you get the opportunity to thank and worship your God for all that he has done for you.

Brothers and sisters, I pray that you are able to assess your earthly relationship and identify where the devil may look to tempt you.

But I pray that you never lose sight of your status in Christ. The love that Christ has for you is incomparable to any earthly love.

You are forgiven. You are a redeemed child of God. You are loved by God.

And God’s love will never let you down.

Author: Daniel Koch serves as the Staff Minister of youth and family ministry at Grace Lutheran Church in Crivitz, WI.

Clean Slate

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Clean Slate

We have reached the point in the new year where a third of the population who set a New Year’s resolution will have broken it. This is according to various studies, so take that for what it’s worth.

Personally, I have never been one to make a New Year’s Resolution. I do find it admirable to those who who do, however. It is a respectable thing to set goals and strive to reach those goals. Having goals can motivate us, and the new year is certainly a time to make new goals.

I pray that your new year has been one filled with blessings. I pray that you are able to reach those goals you set for yourself.

However, as noted above, we are weak. We are weak when it comes to pleasing our own sinful nature. We are weak to give in to the temptations of this world.

We are weak to lust. We are weak to satisfy our sexual cravings. We are weak to give in to pornography. As the apostle Paul said, “For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not keep doing what I want. Instead, I do what I hate.” (Romans 7:15)

Rather than feeling new, we are often feeling like the same old person.

Scapegoat

Obviously, we celebrate the new year once in a calendar year. For the Israelites of the Old Testament, one of the festivals they celebrated once a year was the Day of Atonement.

On this day, God commanded the high priest to carry out certain things. One of those duties was to take a goat, called the scapegoat. The high priest would confess “all the guilt of the people and all their sins” (Leviticus 16:21) and place that on the scapegoat. An appointed man would then take that goat and walk away from camp. They would walk until they were out of sight from the camp, and the man would release the goat into the wilderness, completely out of sight.

Here, God was teaching two things:

1) “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12)

2) One was coming to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Could you imagine watching that goat leave camp? What a feeling that must have been! Could you imagine placing all that guilt of your lust and porn on that goat and then watching it walk completely away?

While we don’t celebrate today with a goat, God gives us that same promise: “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12)

Your sin and guilt are no longer a part of you. It is completely removed from you.

Psalm 103:12

And that brings us to number two.

The one promised to come. The one promised to make atonement has come and done just that.

Jesus is “the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world” (John 1:29).

Jesus was the sacrifice, taking all your sin and guilt on his shoulders when he went to the cross. Your sins are paid for. Your sins are atoned for. You are at one with God.

Jesus has “made us clean from all our sins” (Leviticus 16:30).

I pray that you have a blessed new year! I pray that God gives you the strength to reach the goals and resolutions that you have for yourself.

But above all, look to the One who has removed your guilt. Trust in the one who has taken away your sin. Praise the one who has made you clean.

In Christ, we are new – today and always.

Author: Daniel Koch serves as the Staff Minister of youth and family ministry at Grace Lutheran Church in Crivitz, WI.

A Date With The Holy Spirit

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A Date With The Holy Spirit

Do you want someone around when you sin? Almost never, right?!

It’s almost as if our conscience finds a megaphone when it knows someone is there to witness what we are doing wrong. We don’t want our conscience to hurt so much. “Calm down,” we may tell ourselves. “No one will see me. No one will come in. No one knows about the thoughts I have. I can hide it.” But the conscience knows better.

You may hide them from some people for a little while, but can you really hide your sin from everyone?

Whether you want him around or not, the Holy Spirit knows your mind and its desires. Psalm 139:7 says, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” David sang those words with wonder. But do they frighten you?

It may seem like a good strategy, then, to always remember that the Holy Spirit is present with us. We can attempt to scare ourselves away from sin. You may have even heard someone comment about a frisky couple, “I hope they leave room for the Holy Spirit!” If we remind ourselves that God is always watching us, then we can avoid sin.

Those thoughts are certainly a good curb to sin, but is it the best overall strategy in our approach to sin?

Couple holding hands at table

If the Holy Spirit is with you on your date, or while you are alone, or in any moment of the day, how does that make you feel? Scared? Nervous? Guilty? Ashamed? Powerless? If so, that’s a work of the Holy Spirit and he’s good at it. Very good at it.

John 16:8 “(The Holy Spirit) will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin.”

Whether the Holy Spirit grabs a line of the law in the Bible or uses the divine law written in the hearts of every human being since Adam and Eve, his work is decisive. We stand alone. Convicted. Ashamed. Scared. We have offended God. That knowledge may certainly help us to avoid some sins some of the time, but it will never give us hope and positive desires.

The best work of the law only prepares us for the best work of the gospel.

1 Corinthians 6:11, “But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

The Holy Spirit’s work does not end with a soul crushing conviction. We find our hearts naturally tugging toward the rules as if they could relieve us. Do this. Don’t do that. Follow this. Go there. The list is a tempting source of hope! The plan is all laid out, step by step. If I only do this and this and this, then I will successfully escape.

Nope. As tempting as it may be, the list is always out of reach. Like reaching for apples high in the branches of a tall tree. So close, but so far!

Apple on a branch

Our hope lies in another tree . . . a tree as preposterous and ugly as one placed on Golgotha. And the Holy Spirit is eager to fill you with the fruit of that salvation. Fervently. silently, and passionately, he opens the Scriptures for us. With the message of Jesus, fear dissipates, shame turns to honor, and guilt hears the happy voice of an innocent man.

It is good that the Holy Spirit is here to work his miracles. The miracles continue with new desires – better desires – that the Holy Spirit creates in us. Instead of hesitance to be in the Holy Spirit’s presence, fearing his approach and being eager to push him out of mind, we want him to be with us! We want him to help us war against our sinful self. In fact, we want to keep up with the Holy Spirit in the battle for our soul!

Galatians 5:25, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

In the battle against sin, we want to travel the whole path of the Spirit’s work – from law to the gospel to its precious fruits. It’s tempting to stick with the law, but the law won’t fully help us on our eternal journey. The full and complete message of the Holy Spirit makes him pleasant company whether we are enjoying him alone or with other people.

Author: Nathan Schulte serves as a missionary in WELS missions in Latin America. He lives in Quito, Ecuador.