SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

This depends on a whole host of issues, so you’ll want to see a pastor for more specific advice. If you aren’t married, then no. You don’t HAVE to stay in that relationship. If you are married, then maybe. Did they cross the “flesh line” and physically cheat? Are they battling this sin with repentance and the gospel? Are they sorry for the sin and trying to love you – or have you been deserted by them, immersed in marriage-wrecking porn? There are too many variables to answer such a vital question simply. Once again, please see your pastor to help you through this painful time.

You do not have to lie, but neither should you be the one to share his problems. Take 30 minutes and write out some potential, hypothetical responses for different social situations. This way, you’ll be prepared if questions come up and avoid saying more than you intend to share. You may even want to practice these responses when you are alone.

Here are some samples:

• “We are having some difficulties right now.”
• “We have some issues to work through, so we’re separated for a while – until things are settled.”  
• “We are seeking help as we work through some things.”
• You can even be very vague: “It’s hard, but we’re working.”

No one has the right to pressure you to say more than you are comfortable with at the time. Listen to your friend’s responses, and if you feel comfortable you can share more, but only when you are ready. Be aware that a group dynamic is different from a personal conversation.

Remember that anything that is contrary to God’s Word and will is sin, whether it is our thoughts, our words or our deeds. Jesus warns us: “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matthew 15:19). Our Savior also warned in his sermon on the mount: “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Viewing pornography is heart sexual immorality (for single people) and heart adultery (for married people)—sins against God. The child of God will want to escape and avoid the sin of pornography. They can and will do this by remembering that God has cleansed them from all of their sins which empowers them to “leave their life of sin.”

Porn and sex addiction take place when a person has taken him/herself out of the context of right and wrong, losing control and the power of choice. It includes lust, in any form, and sex in any form, including sex with oneself.  

First of all, even when it feels like you are, you are never alone – Christ is always with you. He promises to never leave or forsake you. Next, find a counselor to talk with, preferably one who is familiar with sex/porn addiction. Use the internet to find one (Conquerors through Christ has a list of trusted counselors.) Find a supportive group in which to participate, such as COSA, Heart to Heart Partners, or even ALANON. Groups like these help you understand that you are not alone in the struggle of living with an addict.