I Am With You

Six years ago, I was reading a book titled Becoming the Woman of His Dreams. One chapter tells the story of a wife finding out her husband is addicted to porn. I read about the forgiveness the wife had to give to her husband. When I put the book down, I asked my husband if he had ever looked at porn. He confessed that he had in high school. We talked a little about how he accessed porn and his thoughts on it. I asked him if he had ever watched it since. That’s when he stunned me. He was still addicted. In my mind, our marriage was solid. We shared everything. His addiction hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was hurt and frightened. I was pregnant with twins. What would porn do to our family, to our children? Thoughts of divorce ran through my mind.

I was angry. How could he do this to me? He was supposed to be a Christian! We were active in our church. How could he?

I felt ugly, so ugly. I felt used like I was merely an object. Tender memories changed. He used to come up from the computer (supposedly looking for a new car) extremely attracted to me. I found out it was the porn. “Was he just attracted to the porn? Am I pretty enough? What am I doing wrong? How can I be a better wife so he doesn’t want to look?” 

Six years ago, I found out my husband was addicted to porn. Perhaps you are reading this, dear sister, because you found out that your husband is too. This may be one of the most arduous journeys in your marriage. You feel used, betrayed, ugly. You feel so dirty. I know this is hard. 

God is with you right now, hun, his arms wrapped around you through your sobs, your anger, your fright.

You know about his addiction. That is the first step in his healing. I know you feel like leaving or getting back at him, hurting him like he’s hurt you. Be patient with him. He is on the path to recovery. It’s a hard path for him and for you.

As you traverse this journey, I want you to remember three things:

You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. You are his work of art! No matter what the devil tells you, no matter how you feel, God sees you, and he loves you. Because he loves you, you are lovely. You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. Song of Songs 4:7

Through the power of our awesome God, you can love the unlovable. You can stick to the commitment you made to God and your husband on your wedding day. Your husband’s addiction is not your fault! Through this journey, you cannot hear that enough. It is not your fault. You are a good wife. He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

This will be a fight, but not between you and your husband. Your husband is fighting against the devil for you! I know it seems like your husband is against you, but he is in this fight for you. The devil hates your marriage. He wants to use porn to destroy your love. But the devil won’t win. Your husband is fighting for you because you are worth it. A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10

Fighting porn is a long journey. Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. So focus on what God has equipped you to do. Focus on being the stellar wife that you are through the Holy Spirit. And as for your husband-respect him more, love him more powerfully, and take his addiction to our gracious God, the only ONE who can heal him. Your husband is on the path of rejecting and resisting porn – praise the Lord.

“Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.” Luke 15:6

Katrina Meinel is a Christian bride and mother of four. She is a member of Resurrection in Verona, WI.