Someone I love is using porn

Resources to help you Recover from the wreckage porn has wreaked on your relationship

One of the most difficult aspects of recovery is rebuilding trust.  This can be a long arduous process, but professional guidance helps significantly.  We highly recommend you see a Qualified Counselor to guide both of you toward renewed trust, as well as help your spouse or significant other learn to Reject the need for pornography.

Note: Conquerors through Christ recognizes the need for additional resources that will help in the Recovery process.  Check back here or subscribe to our newsletter to be notified when new resources become available.

Helpful Books

Frequently Asked Questions

A few basic ideas are crucial for you right now:

  • Personal repentance: Make sure to consistently confess your own sin against God and against him. That will keep your heart tender and your spirit compassionate.
  • Prayer: God changes things through prayer. “Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other,” James said, “so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16) Don’t underestimate the power of a prayer in Jesus’ name. Pray for the heart. Pray for eyes to be opened to the goodness of God that led our Father to label lust as demonic and destructive. Pray for your ability to forgive and love just as Jesus loves you.
  • Community: You need mature Christian friends to help you through this. You don’t need “friends” who pounce and just get angry just to make you feel better. You do need friends who love the addict, love their soul, love your marriage, and will be honest with you both. The Proverbs say, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses,” so turn to friends who will be honest with you for the sake of your marriage and your spiritual health.

This is a hard one. Be as open and fair as possible, and work to make a judgment based on analysis of all actions. Is there a change? Has help been sought? Is there a sponsor of some kind? These resources encourage honesty.

You feel hurt. You feel damaged. Therefore, step 1 looks inward: you need to take real, personal care of yourself. You should seriously consider finding a counselor to help you through this tough stage. Whether or not you choose to connect with a counselor, there are good resources available. Conquerors through Christ is constantly producing new resources to encourage, equip, and inspire you. COSA (Codependents of Sexual Addiction) is a support program for spouses. If there is a chapter near you, you may want to start attending. These resources will give you a safe place to begin your recovery.

On a very basic level, forgiveness is the answer. Keeping a record of wrongs, throwing his sin in his face, punishing him with a lack of love/respect because of his sin will quickly detonate any hope you have a beautiful, God-exalting relationship. “Forgive one another just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:32) On a deeper level, you probably need the help of a mature Christian friend, a qualified counselor, and/or a pastor who loves you both and can guide you with God’s Word.

No one can tell you how long the anger will last. It may be weeks or months, and hopefully not longer.  There will be times throughout the first year – maybe even into the second – when anger will return when a phrase, a smell, a person, or a sound trigger the painful memories. If you find yourself constantly angry, if it is disrupting life and the peace in your heart, seek professional counsel.


Accountability in Christian Community

Rejecting porn takes help both from God and from fellow Christians. What do you confess and how often?

The Accountability in Christian Community  guidebook helps accountability or encouragement partners and small groups embrace the power of honesty, prioritize gospel responses, and create Christian environments filled with grace and truth.

View the webinar and download the guidebook

Helpful Articles

Other Resources

For those struggling to escape the wreckage caused by porn usage, it can be helpful to view the problem from other points of view. We invite you to view our other resources, especially those created to help the person caught in the sin of porn to Reject Satan’s lies (Myself page). Also you may want to enlist other allies in the battle to help your loved one escape porn usage. The Friends and Family page has resources that can help those allies.

If CtC Resources assist you in your efforts to Resist, Reject, or Recover from porn use, please help us continue to create them.  Your gift would be a tremendous blessing to our ministry.