SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

Someone I love is using porn

Resources to help you Recover from the wreckage porn has wreaked on your relationship

One of the most difficult aspects of recovery is rebuilding trust.  This can be a long arduous process, but professional guidance helps significantly.  We highly recommend you see a Qualified Counselor to guide both of you toward renewed trust, as well as help your spouse or significant other learn to Reject the need for pornography.

Note: Conquerors through Christ recognizes the need for additional resources that will help in the Recovery process.  Check back here or subscribe to our newsletter to be notified when new resources become available.

Helpful Books

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Frequently Asked Questions

On a very basic level, forgiveness is the answer. Keeping a record of wrongs, throwing his sin in his face, punishing him with a lack of love/respect because of his sin will quickly detonate any hope you have a beautiful, God-exalting relationship. “Forgive one another just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:32) On a deeper level, you probably need the help of a mature Christian friend, a qualified counselor, and/or a pastor who loves you both and can guide you with God’s Word.

No one can tell you how long the anger will last. It may be weeks or months, and hopefully not longer.  There will be times throughout the first year – maybe even into the second – when anger will return when a phrase, a smell, a person, or a sound trigger the painful memories. If you find yourself constantly angry, if it is disrupting life and the peace in your heart, seek professional counsel.

This depends on you.  You have 4 options:

  1. Do nothing, know nothing and go on as if life is just fine. (It won’t stay that way.)
  2. Know every detail of everything. This can be dangerous because detail can get in the way of forgiveness.
  3. Know the “types” of things your partner has done.
  4. Know the basic actions – watched porn, went to a sex shop, had an affair, visited a prostitute – so you know how to protect your marriage.
  5. Simply know they are addicted to porn or sex and try to move forward.

First of all, we are so sorry for your pain. And no, this is not your fault. What your husband has been doing is wrong, but you did not cause him to sin. We are all responsible for our own actions.

Because of the deep emotional wound this sin causes, you will likely need spiritual and professional help (pastor, Christian counselor) overcoming your hurt. Similarly, your husband will need help overcoming his sin.  If your husband is willing to get the help he needs, praise God.  Encourage him to follow through. Though it may seem impossible at the moment, at some point, we pray by God’s grace you can forgive your husband and be part of the help he needs.  Your support and loving accountability can play key roles is his eventual victory over this sin.

If your husband out of fear or denial is not ready to get help, pray for him.  Show him this web site.  Seek help for yourself and request the prayers of your pastor or Christian counselor for him.

First of all, our hearts go out to you. Stumbling upon a betrayal of trust and fidelity is a painful experience, so we are praying for you and your husband.

What should you do? The first step would be to gently and firmly confront him. Galatians 6 says, “If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.” You caught your husband in his sin. Now, it’s time to restore him.

As you prepare for that conversation, pray for humility despite your hurt. Pray for a stubborn belief that his feelings in the moment are not as important as his future with you (and God!). Yes, he will probably not react perfectly, but God allowed you to find his stash for a reason. God wants to save your husband from the porn that will kill so many of the things he loves.

If he repents and apologizes to you and to God, forgive him. Tell him about the Jesus who died to save sexual sinners. Love him despite his sin, just like Jesus loves you despite yours. Continue to show him respect and kindness, even though he doesn’t deserve it.

If he doesn’t repent, pray for him and refuse to drop the issue. His soul is too valuable to do anything less.

As far as telling others, that is really a judgment call. I wouldn’t call the pastor, his best friend, or a counselor just because you found his porn. Instead, I would encourage him to take that step himself. Help him to see the value of a band of brothers to help him in the struggle. You can use CtC’s videos/resources to encourage him to do just that.

If he minimizes it and blows you off, tell him you need to get others involved. Show him 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 and insist that his soul is too important to you and you won’t let his pride be the cause of his condemnation. I hope it doesn’t get to this point, but what matters most is his eternity.

Blessings on your upcoming conversation. May the Holy Spirit guide you and give you the right words at the right time!

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Accountability in Christian Community

Rejecting porn takes help both from God and from fellow Christians. What do you confess and how often?

The Accountability in Christian Community  guidebook helps accountability or encouragement partners and small groups embrace the power of honesty, prioritize gospel responses, and create Christian environments filled with grace and truth.

View the webinar and download the guidebook

Helpful Articles

Other Resources

For those struggling to escape the wreckage caused by porn usage, it can be helpful to view the problem from other points of view. We invite you to view our other resources, especially those created to help the person caught in the sin of porn to Reject Satan’s lies (Myself page). Also you may want to enlist other allies in the battle to help your loved one escape porn usage. The Friends and Family page has resources that can help those allies.

If CtC Resources assist you in your efforts to Resist, Reject, or Recover from porn use, please help us continue to create them.  Your gift would be a tremendous blessing to our ministry.