The Unwanted Wife – And Why Her Story Might Be Yours

Have you ever chased love that left you feeling used, unseen, or simply not enough?

Leah did too—and yet, God chose her to help bring Jesus into the world.

You might be living for romance, sex, or someone else’s approval—just like Jacob. You might be giving yourself away just to feel seen—just like Leah. But none of that will heal the ache in your heart. Only one love can.

Jacob worked seven years for Laban to marry his daughter Rachel. He had fallen deeply in love with her—so much so that those seven years felt like just a few days. When the time was up, Jacob went to claim his bride. Laban threw a feast, there was celebration, and Jacob spent the evening with his new wife. But when he awoke the next morning, it wasn’t Rachel by his side. “There was Leah”—Rachel’s older sister.

Why Leah?

Laban explained that it was their custom to marry off the older daughter before the younger—something that, you’d think, could have been mentioned sometime in the past seven years. Rachel stayed silent, waited out Leah’s wedding week, and then married Jacob too, in exchange for another seven years of labor.

And so Leah found herself in the middle of it all—consummating a marriage with a man who didn’t love her, who didn’t even realize it was her. And she stayed, not just for the week, but for life. She gave Jacob six sons, a daughter, and even her maidservant so that he could have more children she claimed as her own. She competed with Rachel to bear children for the man who loved Rachel more. She bought and sold the right to sleep with her husband. She was neither the deceiver nor the deceived—neither the lover nor the beloved. She had no identity of her own: daughter of a swindler, older sister to the beauty, first wife of a man who loved someone else. She was the mother of his children, but who was she, really? She was “Leah,” but what did that mean? “There was Leah” …but who was she?

Who are you? What’s your identity?

When someone says, “There you are,” who are they talking to? Are you defined by who you sleep with? By who you love? Or by who loves you? Are you defined by what you do? By what others do because of you? Are you the daughter, son, sibling, beauty, victim, or object of someone else’s affection or use? Who are you, really? And how can you know?

“There was Leah.” Why?

One reason is clear: Jesus.

Leah, the first and less-loved wife of Jacob, became the mother of Judah. And in both Matthew 1 and Luke 3, between Jacob and Judah, we find Leah—not named, but there. You and I know her name because of Jesus.

So—who are you?

I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t care who you’ve slept with or why. I don’t know what kind of person you are or what motivates you. I might not even know your name. But still—there you are.

Why? Because of Jesus.

For Jesus. In Jesus. Through Jesus. No matter what else you are, you are his. Bought with his blood—the blood that came from Leah’s line.

Many of us deeply crave the approval of others—even complete strangers. And the closer a relationship becomes, the more powerful and even idolatrous that approval can be. We care what peers think. We care even more what friends, family, and romantic partners think. These are good relationships, but they become dangerous when they become ultimate—when they compete with the love and affection that belong to God alone.

In a culture that downplays commitment and redefines marriage, Christians can react by swinging too far in the other direction, idolizing marriage as the pinnacle of life: love, family, kids, the white picket fence.

But Jesus never says that marriage will heal you. He never claims that romantic love will save you. He points to himself. Not the one who promises to spend their life with you, but the one who gave his life for you.

That is the relationship that defines your life—now and forever.

Jesus is the one who heals. He is the one who saves.

 

Brad Snyder is a pastor and instructor at St. Croix Lutheran Academy in West St. Paul, MN and serves as the chairman for Conquerors through Christ. 

 

See your true worth through God’s Eyes (Book Recommendation)

Conqueror’s through Christ reviewed the book The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee and considers it a useful guide for those caught in the destructive cycle of self-condemnation or worldly success. “…the point is clear that Christ is the source of our security; Christ is the basis of our worth; Christ is the only one who promises and never fails.” (p. 24) Read our full review of The Search for Significance →