Searching for Love — The One Relationship That Defines Your Life

 

This article continues from part one, The Unwanted Wife — And Why Her Story Might Be Yours. Read part one  → 

We can’t know for sure because Scripture does not say, but one could wonder if Jacob also struggled to know who he was

While seven years of service for the chance to marry Rachel might initially sound romantic, we can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t more about Jacob than Rachel. Was he willing to work those long years to love Rachel…or simply to get someone who made him feel better about himself?

The Bible tells us that the years flew by, but he never stopped watching the clock. At the end, he told Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.”

But on the wedding night, in the secrecy of a dark tent, Rachel was replaced with Leah. Jacob didn’t realize it until morning. How? Could it be that he wasn’t in love with Rachel—he was in love with the *idea* of Rachel? 

Though we can’t know exactly what was in Jacob’s heart, we know that false gods work like that. You think they’ll fulfill your deepest hopes, but they always disappoint. Perhaps you could think of it like going to bed with Rachel, but you wake up with Leah—unfulfilled, and unhappy.

Leah, too, was searching for love.

We’re told: “Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful.” This isn’t about vision—it’s about appearance. Leah wasn’t pretty. She may have been cross-eyed, or simply unattractive. She wasn’t loved by her father. She wasn’t loved by her husband. She wasn’t enough.

And she knew it. We can feel her pain through the names she gives her sons. Her first son, Reuben, means “See, a son”—because God had seen her. But would Jacob? Her second, Simeon, reflects that God had heard her—but her husband still didn’t. Her third, Levi, was born in hope: “Now maybe my husband will become attached to me.” And still, she was unloved.

She tried to earn Jacob’s love through her children, even though she already had the love of God. She used her kids to medicate the pain of rejection. But then—something changed. With her fourth son, Judah, she says, “This time, I will praise the Lord.” Not: “Maybe now he’ll love me.”

Just: praise.

 

Leah finally got it.

She didn’t need a man to give her what only God could. That lesson—hard-won and heartbreaking—is one I wish every young woman today could learn.

Men often chase beauty, hoping sex will make them feel loved. Women often chase commitment, willing to settle for less in exchange for intimacy. Both end up making fools of themselves, trying to get from each other what only God can give.

But how do you break free from romantic lovesickness? You have to see the beauty of Jesus.

Leah—the weak, the rejected—was chosen to bring forth Judah, and through him, the Savior. God had mercy on her. And God chooses not the strong, intelligent, or beautiful, but the ones who know they are weak and ugly and in need of grace.

God took Jacob, the unwanted son, and Leah, the unwanted wife, and through them brought forth Judah.

From Judah came Jesus who gave up divine beauty and glory to become so disfigured and rejected that people couldn’t stand to look at him, who was more beautiful than Rachel, chose to become weaker than Leah—so that we, in all our spiritual ugliness, could become radiant in God’s sight.

It doesn’t matter how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter how others see you. Because of the ugliness of the cross, you are beautiful to God.

May that be the one love—the one relationship—that defines your life.

 

Brad Snyder is a pastor and instructor at St. Croix Lutheran Academy in West St. Paul, MN and serves as the chairman for Conquerors through Christ. 

 

See your true worth through God’s Eyes (Book Recommendation)

Conqueror’s through Christ reviewed the book The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee and considers it a useful guide for those caught in the destructive cycle of self-condemnation or worldly success. “…the point is clear that Christ is the source of our security; Christ is the basis of our worth; Christ is the only one who promises and never fails.” (p. 24) Read our full review of The Search for Significance →