Well, truth be told, I’m not.

I’ve been single most of my life, and it’s been a year since my last relationship. But I’m no rookie. I’ve held hands, cuddled, kissed, gently caressed a face, and given some big ol’ bear hugs.

Does that make me cool? Should I feel accomplished because I’ve experienced those things?

If I defined my relationships by physical experiences alone, I’d be missing the point. I’d be shallow.

Let’s Be Honest About Our Culture

You’ve probably heard the question, “What’s your body count?” How vile is that? Our culture tracks sex like tally marks—transactional moments of pleasure, not covenantal acts of love. Some even display pictures or keep lists as if each encounter is a badge of honor.

Our world has cheapened the physical side of relationships, especially sex. It’s become routine: clock in for a few minutes of pleasure, clock out, repeat with someone new. Or seek out a digital substitute that requires nothing more than a search bar.

But is keeping a list of hugs, kisses, hand-holding, or more really any different if our motivation is the same? Both stem from a self-centered heart. As Jesus said, “Out of the heart come evil thoughts…” (Matthew 15:19). So let’s ask ourselves honestly: Why am I dating? Is it to get a warm feeling? To satisfy desires? Or is there something deeper?

Christ Transforms Our Motivation

For the Christian, Christ is the motivation for every part of life—including dating. His death and resurrection created a new self within us, a heart that longs to serve Him. That motivation doesn’t get left at the door when we enter into relationships.

The world’s expectations fade when we remember that our identity and worth are grounded in Jesus.

With Christ at the center, objectification disappears. Man and woman were both made in God’s image. They both fell into sin. And they are both equally redeemed by Christ. In Him, we are not competitors or objects—we are fellow heirs of grace. The world’s expectations fade when we remember that our identity and worth are grounded in Jesus.

Affection Is Not the Enemy

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing sinful about hand-holding, cuddling, kissing, or those big ol’ bear hugs. These can be beautiful ways to express love. But pause for a moment: consider how much of a blessing it is to have someone in your life you can love and cherish. And if you’re single, consider how great a blessing it will be when God brings someone into your life in His time.

God Made Us for Companionship

Remember Adam? God had him name the animals, not just to give them labels, but to help Adam realize that none of them were like him. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” So God created Eve. And together they had something beautiful: companionship.

Companionship is awesome. It’s more than just affection—it’s having a built-in friend, encourager, and helper. But most of all, it’s an opportunity to practice selfless love: to care for someone who isn’t you. Remind you of Someone else?

Jesus loved us with a perfect, selfless love. Now we get to model that love

Jesus loved us with a perfect, selfless love. Now we get to model that love in our friendships, our families, and our dating relationships. What a joy it is—even when it brings heartache or tears—to show genuine love to another.

Selflessness Doesn’t Come Naturally

Why do so many relationships fall apart? Because selflessness is hard. Because one person gives and the other doesn’t. Because some look to relationships only for what they can get, not what they can give.

“Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (Ephesians 5:2).

Let’s be honest: I need this reminder, too. I’m not writing this because I’ve got it all figured out. I’m writing this because my heart also wants to be selfish. But we are called to something better: “Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” (Ephesians 5:2).

So, Why Am I Dating?

Right now, I’m not. But I know God has used every relationship I’ve had for my good. And one day, if it’s His will, He will bless me with a wife—and I pray I’ll be ready to love her with the selfless, Christlike love that He has shown me.

 

Written by Nathaniel Brauer, Senior at Martin Luther College