Conquerors through Christ recommends Covenant Eyes’ screen accountability software. Parental control content blockers are a good start, but Christian accountability is extremely important in every struggle too. Covenant Eyes helps provide enable that accountability.
Conquerors through Christ has produced a Parent Support System to assist and equip parents in teaching their children about God’s gift and design of sexuality. Conquerors through Christ also has Middle School Lessons and a High School Curriculum available.
Do not overreact. This was going to happen eventually. Nothing is ruined. And your child is normal. It’s not shocking that this is happening, it’s shocking that you didn’t know about it. Now that you do know about it, you can have a conversation about it with your child. Let them know that sex is good, but pornography is not. Let them know what your plan will be going forward. Consider putting a content blocker on the devices your child uses. Let them know they are forgiven and loved.
Probably every age is a fine age to talk to your child about sexuality in age-appropriate ways. Talk to your two-year-old about privacy and differences between boys and girls. As they develop, you can continue teaching them about their body and later about the temptations and threats that exist in the world and can harm our bodies. Sex education is a process, not an event. You are not looking for a time to have one big awkward conversation. You are looking for many opportunities throughout your child’s life to advance the process of teaching them of God’s blessings and intentions for them and their bodies.
Pornography objectifies people and creates unrealistic expectations for sex that are completely void of the intimacy God intends. Pornography can be very addictive. Pornography encourages the abuse of women. The harm of pornography on your child extends beyond a guilty conscience and a damaged understanding of God’s design for sex. Pornography harms self-image and leads to lack of confidence and low self-worth.
You may be surprised to know that sex within marriage doesn’t cure pornography addiction. Those who entered marriage with a porn problem soon find that they still have a porn problem! Therefore, don’t allow the Devil to deceive into thinking this will fix itself if you get married. The time to act is now both for your own sake and the sake of your future spouse, if you do get married in the future. Finally, remember that the God who created you as a sexual being is able to sustain and strengthen you for purity, even if that means a life of celibacy like the Apostle Paul or Jesus himself.
The distinction regarding pornography use – is it a sin or an addiction? …and if it is an addiction, is it a disease like appendicitis that we have no control over? – has been argued about for some time. The same arguement exists regarding alcohol use.
Pastor James Berger in John Cook’s book, Conquerors Through Christ, answered the question regarding sin or disease regarding alcohol abuse/addiction by saying that alcohol abuse/addiction is both sin and disease. One does not become diseased with alcohol addiction without the sin of abusing alcohol in some way. He called the person addicted to alcohol a person caught in a sin. “Caught in a sin” is his key phrase.
An alcoholic does not become addicted to alcohol without bending the elbow to get the drink to his or her mouth. One does not become addicted to pornography without using it. If you search the Bible carefully you will note that drunkenness is the sin, not the glass of wine that we drink or the beer that we sip. Lust is the sin, not the nude picture or the act of intercourse between husband and wife. God gave us sex as a blessing. God gave us alcohol as a blessing. It is when we abuse either that we sin.
We abuse God’s blessing of sex upon a man and a woman in marriage with lustful desires for anyone not our spouse. We abuse God’s gift of sex with adultery and fornication. Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Addiction is the continual and habitual use of something that is sinful or the abuse of something that is given by God as a blessing in such a way that it becomes a powerful, controlling force in our lives. An addiction is something physiological in the brain that compels us to keep on doing that which we, as Christians, know is displeasing to God. When that happens the addiction rules our lives, not our God. We are caught in the sin of abusing the thing to which we are addicted.
According to some scientific studies, the brain activity and pleasure intensity is the same for both:
It does not take long for the brain to crave the pleasure of crack cocaine or the pleasure of lust and porn use. When the brain begins to demand that it be pleasured, the pathways of the brain change. When this change happens, the addiction happens. The lust and the abuse come first. The sin is there with the lust and the abuse. The word, “addiction,” describes being “caught in the sin.” It is not only a sinful feeling and a spiritually sinful abuse of a blessing from God, it has also become a physical corruption in the brain.
An addicted person will always be an addict for his or her whole life. But when the addict stops the sin – the abuse and misuse of sex with lust or porn – then our God of love has blessed him or her again. No person caught in a sin gets set free without Christ. Jesus Christ is the power that is greater than any chains of sin or addiction. Repentance is being sorry for sin, trusting in God’s forgiveness, and turning away from that sin. There are fruits to repentance. The cravings and the desire may still be there for the addicted person. But the continued misuse of God’s blessings is no longer there. Sinful lust no longer controls the person, but is banished when it enters the mind. By God’s grace in Christ there is forgiveness. A sanctified Christian life in recovery is being lived with the help of God.
In God there is victory! In our Triune God we are more than conquerors.
Not necessarily. While there are many available qualified counselors, not all of them specialize in sexual sins. To be honest – many secular counselors may not even see porn viewing, adultery, or living together outside of marriage as wrong. In addition, some Christian counselors under-emphasize the motivational role provided by the gospel good news which is vital for this struggle. On our web site we provide a list of counselors who specialize in the area of sexual sins and understand the powerful motivation provided by Jesus (For Christ’s love us… 2 Cor 5:14).
While professional counseling is rarely on the “value menu”, consider this—The progression of your porn problem will cost you immensely more than any counselor will charge. If you lose your marriage, your job, your reputation, or your faith, you will lose something much more valuable than a few hundred dollars. Think of it in reverse—If you could pay a few hundred dollars and relive the last few years of your life without the wreckage of porn, would you? Of course! So, don’t let a week’s paycheck get in the way of your path to years of future victory over this sin.