Articles

Don’t Let Covid-19 Become Porn’s Pandemic

Published originally April 2020

I wish the pastor’s text was wrong about porn.

A colleague of mine shared some recent data about the correlation between cases of Covid and the amount of traffic on the internet’s biggest pornography site. According to the study, from late February to mid-March, traffic spiked nearly 12%, a swooping upward curve that resembled the side of Mt. Everest. Even worse, in the 16 days since that study was released, global corona cases have quintupled.

That’s right—quintupled. Which means, in my unscientific analysis, there’s a lot of porn out there.

I should be upfront and let you know that I believe porn is a serial killer of God’s good gifts. Both through a ministry I serve (Conquerors throughChrist) and in a book I wrote (From Dirty to Dancing), I have tried to persuade people that pornography wrecks our bodies, our souls, our relationships, and our world.

Yet, I get it. I get why so many of us, even those of us who follow Jesus, would be so drawn to porn at a time like this.

In my studies on addiction, I have learned that five of the most tempting times to fall into destructive behaviors are when we feel…

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Bored

Know anyone who feels like that these days?

The coronavirus has messed with our routines and structures, affecting our meal times and hunger levels. Our utter loss of control and feeble attempts to be productive with work while caring for kids makes us angry. Social distancing, despite technology’s blessings, has left us lonely. Staring at screens for double-digit hours makes us tired. And, even after watching every episode of The Tiger King, we are bored, our brains itching for some dopamine-releasing novelty to excite us again.

That is just the physical factors that might lead to porn use. Add to that the spiritual forces at work—The sinister part of our hearts that lusts for short-term pleasure. The world that loves to make a dollar off of us, no matter what the cost to our integrity or our relationships. The Devil who convinces us that no one has to know and no know has to get hurt.

So, I get the graph. It makes sense to me why so many people, even Spirit-filled people, would click where we shouldn’t.

Which begs the big question—How do we fight back against the pandemic of porn?

Here are the 5-Steps that have blessed many people pre-corona and are even more urgent today:

Get Real about the Wreckage—Porn seems so innocent when it’s just you and a screen. Just a release. Just a way to pass the time. Just a way to explore your sexual desires. But porn is not innocent. We must, through scriptures, stories, and studies, get real about the wreckage that every click causes. Spouses are crushed when they discover the images. Children are trafficked as supply to meet the demand. Eternities are lost for those who turn their backs on God. Take off the filter and see porn as the hates-your-future enemy that it is.
Get Back to God’s Grace—Porn may be worse than you thought, but Jesus is better than you believed. Run back to Jesus, cling to his cross, and know that he is the friend of sinners. Meditate on passages like Romans 8:1, 1 John 1:8-9, Romans 5:8, and Jeremiah 31:34, and be amazed at God’s grace for those who fall into sexual sin. Embrace your identity as a child of God through faith in this Savior. Let the message take root in your heart that you are not what you have done. You are who God says you are—his own, beloved, pure in his sight.
Get Rid of Porn—As much as possible, cut off your access to porn. Delete apps, pictures, and videos that cause you to stumble. Be ruthlessly honest about the triggers that lead you down a road that has no u-turns. Ask a friend to password protect your devices from installing anything that wouldn’t be good for your soul. While there is no fool-proof way to get away from porn in our digital age, there are wise ways to give the Holy Spirit more time to snap you out of your porn-pursuing fog. Make sure porn is way more than 1-click away for those moments when you feel hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or bored.
Get Accountable to Others—Nothing helps our self-control as much as the good news of God’s love and good people who love us. Deal with the embarrassment and tell someone about your struggles. Confess to a trusted friend or two, be honest about when/how/how often you sin, and ask for their prayers, encouragement, and love. Remind them to remind you of Jesus’ patient love for sinful people (you will need it). This is the biblical path to healing (James 5:16, Proverbs 28:13).
Get Ready for Battle—Craft a battle plan to fight porn one day at a time. Memorize a Bible passage that has proven helpful in your struggle. Screen save a picture of Jesus that reminds you that he is better than the pleasures of porn. Install filtering software on your devices (I personally use Covenant Eyes). Go to war, so that this day ends invictory, not defeat.

If those 5 steps work for you today, repeat them tomorrow. And if they don’t “work,” repeat them anyway! They will keep you close to Jesus, his truth, and his grace. Nothing matters more than that.

Resisting sexual immorality has always been a challenge. That only got more challenging when corona changed our lives. But we have a God who is up to the challenge. Talk to your Father, look to his Son, and ask for his Spirit.

With his help, let’s make sure there’s only one pandemic among God’s people.

Author: Mike Novotny serves as CtC Chairman and pastor at the CORE in Appleton, WI

Another Miracle

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Reaffirm Your Love

“He now realizes what he did was wrong and is really sorry about it.” Whether these words describe someone who has hurt you or your own heart’s confession, they are an important step in dealing with sin.

I am often amazed at my own heart. It is so blind. It can easily read this verse from Jeremiah and nod happily in agreement. “Yes. The human heart is deceitful. I can think of a hundred examples. This person and that person. That group and that movement. Yes. They are all deceitful.” Yet, even as I deepen my understanding of the verse with those connections, I blindly forget my own heart’s deceitfulness. Nathan’s heart is also deceitful! Why does it take so long to realize it? I am so slow. Our deceitful hearts deceitfully blind us.

So, when someone realizes their sin and recognizes the evil that came from their own heart, and their own mouth, and their own mind, we want to rejoice. God’s word worked!

The heart has been crushed. God worked a miracle–a heart sorrowful over its own sin.

But sometimes we stop there. It may seem like an appropriate place to end. If someone has betrayed you and hurt you, their newfound pain gives us hope. They finally opened their eyes. They realize they were hurting you. What you were hoping would happen has now happened. The impasse has been broken. Now we can get on to a healthier life. Or so we think.

But we stopped too soon. Time may heal some of the wounds through its passing, but what we need is another miracle.

The Apostle Paul writes, “I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him,” 2 Corinthians 2:8. God, in his wisdom, uses us to bring not only love and announcement of forgiveness to a repentant sinner, but he also uses our love to comfort the sorrowful sinner.

The Corinthian congregation was dealing with a sinner who repented and was deeply sorry for his sin. In fact, his sorrow was almost overwhelming him. God’s law had worked. Now it was time for the gospel. Reaffirm love.

But our community of believers needs the free flowing forgiveness that comes from God. We need it and others need it. And we need it repeatedly. Our hearts deceive us. We may know forgiveness. We may have grown up in churches and families which taught and proclaimed it regularly. However, in the dark sorrows of sin, we become disoriented and do not see it clearly.

Reaffirm love. Again and again and again. Why? Because we have One who has done the same for us.

Author: Nathan Schulte serves as a missionary in WELS missions in Latin America. He lives in Quito, Ecuador.

5 Lessons From Colossians For Accountability Partners

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5 Lessons From Colossians For Accountability Partners

I invite you to open up your Bible to Colossians 2:20–3:17 and take a few minutes to meditate on Paul’s words. If you have an accountability partner or you are an accountability partner, you may want to study this section of Scripture together the next time you meet. If you don’t already have the habit of reading the Bible together regularly, this little exercise can be a good first step.

A little background: Paul wrote this letter to a church he had not planted which was located in Asia Minor, which is modern day Turkey. Epaphras, one of the church leaders, had visited Paul in Rome because the Colossians Christians were apparently under attack from a false teaching that wanted to add to Jesus’ work. The implications of the false doctrine were that Jesus was not enough and the Colossians ended to do more. So, throughout the letter, Paul responded by presenting Jesus as the One who is above all and completely sufficient. Jesus is the best. You don’t need anything more. In this final section of the letter, Paul focuses on actions the Colossians Christians could pursue, but he never leaves the gospel far behind. Its motivation continues even into the application.

Please read Colossians 2:20–3:17 with this question in mind: What words, truths, and phrases would be good to remember when encouraging someone in their Christian life? Write them down. There are a lot! How do they change or strengthen the way you want to help people, especially your accountability partner?

Here are 5 points you may want to highlight:

1. Mere rules don’t deeply change the heart.

Paul writes, “Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.” In conversations with ourselves or with others, we are tempted to jump to making lists of rules. We want to rely on the law. The law even excites us because what it offers seems within our reach. But Paul says, “They lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.” If we want true change, we must start with the heart.

2. We are connected to Christ.

We have died and have been raised with Christ. Our life is now hidden within him. This reality is the heart change that we needed. Christ needs to remain the central element of our conversations about sin and forgiveness AND in our lives of gratitude. We don’t graduate from needing Christ. We grow deeper in him.

3. Death is painful and essential.

Paul shares a list of sins we struggle with and tells us to put them to death. He doesn’t say, “Put them aside for a while.” He doesn’t say, “Wean yourselves off these vices.” He says, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature.” And death is painful. These lusts, greed, immoralities, and evil desires don’t want to leave! They are happy where they are and want to take more control. Paul says, “Put them to death.”

4. Fill your heart with meaningful things.

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love are the good things God wants us to clothe ourselves with. We don’t just want to rid ourselves of the evil; we want God’s good virtues to take their place. We strive toward these virtues. How does each one look in your life?

5. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.

God’s word keeps us connected to him as we live and encourage those around us. It is not fluff. God’s word is meant for our lives, no matter how tough they are. If we need admonishment, it is there. If we need forgiveness, it is there. If we need teaching, it is there. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.

Author: Nathan Schulte serves as a missionary in WELS missions in Latin America. He lives in Quito, Ecuador.

Porn Is A Pandemic

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Porn Is A Pandemic

Begin to leave that awful, dark place you know all too well. It won’t be easy, but Jesus and his medicine of forgiveness are working for you.

I moved to Atlanta just after Dr. Kent Brantly was brought to Emory University Hospital. Of all the places to bring a man with Ebola, they chose MY CITY, even as Americans were thinking: “Keep Ebola as far away as possible!”

Since then, only one person in the United States has died from Ebola, and it wasn’t Dr. Brantly. By percentages, we’re doing well: we have a better chance of dying by shark attack while being struck by lightning than from Ebola.

Now look at percentages for a far worse disease, one that many people are not trying to cure but are actually trying to contract.

Some estimates suggest that 35 percent of Christians struggle with pornography. Those 35 percent live with an illness that slowly kills the soul by attacking their relationship with God. And that’s just those who acknowledge that pornography is sinful and admit they have a problem.

Maybe you live with this disease and with its accompanying darkness, guilt, and frustration. Maybe you know that place all too well.

In that place it can feel like no one, not even God, could love you. Even though you know Jesus died for your sins, you feel unworthy of that forgiveness. Friend, you’re absolutely right.

But even when you feel like God shouldn’t love you because of what you have done, remember what he has done.

But even when you feel like God shouldn’t love you because of what you have done, remember what he has done. Remember what that One – who knows everything about you – did for you and for every person trapped by pornography.

“We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

“‘He himself bore our sins’ in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; ‘by his wounds you have been healed.’” (1 Peter 2:24)

Like Ebola, porn can be deadly, but not to your body. Pornography attacks your soul. A person infected with Ebola needs help, and so do you.

A great place to start healing is at a website called “Conquerors through Christ.” (www.conquerorsthroughchrist.net) Go there! Begin to leave that awful, dark place you know all too well. It won’t be easy, but Jesus and his medicine of forgiveness are working for you.

A perfect cure for Ebola is not yet known, but your perfect Savior gave you his perfection in exchange for all your sexual sins, including pornography. Because he suffered the shame of the cross, God sees you as pure and perfect, without wrinkle or stain or any other blemish (Ephesians 5:27).

The Conquerors through Christ team is praying for you. Ask trusted friends to pray for you. May God protect you from temptation and remind you that, in Christ, you are alive, free, and victorious.

Author: Caleb Schultz, vicar at Faith Lutheran Church, Sharpsburg, Ga.
Original article on wels.net

Marriage Damaged by Porn

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Marriage Damaged by Porn: A Pastor’s Reflections

One must remember that God offers his help—his power to conquer and heal and renew in his message in the Bible.

The author describes the damage one man’s porn has done and is doing to his marriage. He underscores that porn damages genuine intimacy, it is not healthy and is an affair. He stresses that the wife is not the one to help her husband. She needs to focus on her own health. He encourages the wife to pray for God’s help. One must remember that God offers his help—his power to conquer and heal and renew in his message in the Bible. Wives who have been victimized by their husband’s addiction to pornography will find some beneficial insights in this article. We pray that those insights coupled with the power of God’s Word will help them heal.

Read: Marriage Damaged by Porn: A Pastor’s Reflections on the Covenant Eyes website
Author: Guest Author

A Pastor Reflects

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A Pastor Reflects on Porn and Church Leadership

In this article the author makes some good points about how we should handle church leadership when porn addiction is involved. Like regularly educating the entire congregation of the challenges that leaders face in a sex-crazed world. Like reminding them that “Those who aren’t struggling with sexual addiction need to understand it anyway because so many folks around them are.”

God’s grace and forgiveness alone can heal broken sinners and make them whole so they can serve him in his kingdom.

The article’s discussion of “the goal of spiritual transformation is completeness or perfection” is confusing because this side of heaven no one can be perfect. The goal of “spiritual transformation” is becoming more Christ-like, living as holy (not perfect) a life as one can – always to thank God for his saving grace and forgiveness. God’s grace and forgiveness alone can heal broken sinners and make them whole so they can serve him in his kingdom. Invite and encourage each other with the Gospel of God’s forgiveness which gives the peace and power to overcome and be victorious.

Read: Read A Pastor Reflects on Porn and Church Leadership on the Covenant Eyes website
Author: Luke Gilkerson

FAQ Friday

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FAQ Friday: Should my wife be my accountability partner?

…it is better for the addict to have someone for their accountability partner who is detached from the situation…

This article makes a case both for and against having one’s wife be one’s accountability partner. We at Conquerors through Christ lean more against having one’s spouse be one’s accountability partner for all the reasons stated in the “against” section of the article and then some. Whether the wife or the husband is the victim, it is better for the addict to have someone for their accountability partner who is detached from the situation and thus who can be impartial and yet in love hold the addict responsible for their behavior. Any accountability partner needs to be able to relate to the addict’s problem and confront him or her with the right amount of God’s Law to convict them of their sin and God’s Gospel to forgive, heal and empower to conquer the sin.

Read: FAQ Friday on the Covenant Eyes website
Author: Luke Gilkerson

Pocket Porn

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Pocket Porn: Nearly a third of teens carry portable X-rated theaters

This article lays out some very alarming statistics of the downward spiral that modern technology is leading an ever increasing number of young people into through porn viewing on mobile devices (smart phones, ipods, ipads, etc.).

…invite and encourage each other with the Gospel of God’s forgiveness

The author emphasizes the need for parents and schools to be involved and proactive in their children’s and student’s use of these devices and access to the internet world.

As the article describes a father and son confessing their sin of porn addiction to each other, may many more fathers and their sons confess this same sin, but more importantly invite and encourage each other with the Gospel of God’s forgiveness which gives the peace and power to overcome and be victorious.

Read: Pocket Porn on the Covenant Eyes website
Author: Luke Gilkerson

Honor God

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Honor God with Your Body

The Holy Spirit led the apostle Paul to use a very striking example. Would you ever say, “Hey Jesus, I’m going to spend some time with a prostitute? Want to come along?”

Through faith he has united you with Christ.

Of course not! A child of God would never think that. A child of God would never say that. Never! Yet children of God sometimes do that. And children of God do other nasty things. They unite their bodies—or hearts or minds—with a man or woman not their spouse. They unite with sinful images in print or on video. They unite with sinful content on their computers. The temptations are real. Very real!

What is a Christian facing such temptations to do? Think about what Paul urged the Corinthian Christians to do when facing similar temptations.

When battling sexual temptations, remember that your body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord. Why? Because God has done a wonderful thing. Through faith he has united you with Christ. That means everything Christ did is yours. His perfect life is yours. His death is yours. His burial and resurrection are yours. And his new life is yours.

Jesus offered his perfect life and shed his precious blood on the cross for you. That purchase price made complete payment for your sins. Wow! What an awesome gift! Your sins are taken away. And by faith you have been made a member of Christ; you are united with Jesus, your Savior!

Paul mentions a few results. You are not your own. The Holy Spirit lives in you; your body is his temple. And your body will be raised from the dead; you have an eternal future. So, what’s the bottom line in the context of sexuality? Where Jesus goes, you go. And where you go, Jesus goes. All of this moves and enables you to flee from sexual immorality.

We are surrounded by some pretty nasty temptations. When you face those temptations, remember what Christ has done for you. Remember who you are in Christ. And together with him, honor God with your body.

More about intimacy in marriage

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More about intimacy in marriage

The beauty of marital intimacy doesn’t shine very brightly in this unfamiliar passage and we wince, imagining this is about a power struggle. Our flesh will see an excuse for selfishness and our renewed heart simply doesn’t understand. What place do these words have in the setting of a Christian marriage? Do they really apply? Maybe that’s not the right question because these words are from our Savior who knows more about yielding rights than we could ever imagine; so perhaps we should listen. The Lord is calling husbands and wives to look at the needs and desires of each other and yield their rights out of love. He is also making it clear that each belongs to the other and both made a promise to live as one flesh. Sexual intimacy is not a manipulative bargaining tool or spiteful move in a power play. There is no withholding sex to prove a point or get pay back. It is part of marriage—to fulfill needs, draw couples together and build love, a very special love.

The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:4

You see, the love God has given us for life and marriage affects every part of our lives, including our intimacy. The Greek word for this love is “agape” and we see it most clearly when Christ laid down his life to earn our salvation. It is self-sacrificing love that looks for the benefit of the other. It is love that asks, “What can I give? How can I bless you?” It longs to see the other person grow and thrive. This beautiful, self-sacrificing love influences the sexual intimacy between a man and wife by compelling them to put the needs of the other before their own needs. Each is willing to yield to the other in love, understanding God’s design for sexuality in marriage. A wife will yield to her husband. A husband will yield to his wife. Personal rights are set aside as each serves the other. Christians reflect Christ in their marriage with this love and it is radiant in their intimacy as well. Each understands the important part that sexuality plays in their Christian marriage and the responsibility they have to one another.

It is a perfect design—but living it is much more difficult than understanding it. The reality is, this is really, really hard. The daily life of a Christian is often spent working hard in or out of the home. It is unrealistic to think that after a long day of work the powerful desire for sexual intimacy can simply be set aside as one considers the needs of their spouse. The husband may face a thousand sexual temptations in a day: glances, flirtatious laughs, suggestive comments and unsought images that focus his thinking on one thing. The wife may face a thousand temptations in a day as men appreciate her work, make comments about her femininity, or show interest in who she is as a person. Perhaps the wife is home all day with children who absorb every ounce of her energy and share more than enough physical contact but not a bit of meaningful conversation.

Paul doesn’t address the daily collision of needs at 9pm. The husband does have sexual needs. He comes home to his wife and wants to want her—this is his faith in action! Marriage is the place that God has given for sexual intimacy. But even now, he is called to set aside those needs to think about his wife. It is an incredible concept, that the powerful motion of love can not only pause, but defer to the needs of another. And the wife has needs too, which are often a bit more complex. She may have sexual desires but they are buried under a list of more tangible needs, like help in the kitchen or time to talk about her day. She may recognize her husband’s sexual needs but what about her exhaustion? Now whose needs are more important? Who yields? The Lord answers by giving husbands and wives the directive to consider the needs of the other and yield. Conflicting needs will call each of us to be self-sacrificing in our love. Compromise, consideration, and communication are all so important, especially in times of exhaustion and hurt. Sighs of frustration and emotional isolation don’t resolve conflict. Spouses cannot guess or assume they understand each other’s needs. Talk about it and listen to one another! Speak in love to find a way through it.

A husband can come to see how his help in the kitchen communicates love to his wife and makes her yielding a joy. A wife will begin to understand the importance of her husband’s needs and speak the language of love he longs to hear. Each yields to the other and the bedroom is a continuation of selfless love. It all starts with Christ in each heart as we are washed clean and filled with agape love. Forgiven and empowered with the gospel, we live according to his calling and find new strength and joy every day. Yes, there will be hardship, failures and hurts, but they have all been covered by the blood of Christ. It is God’s love that spurs us on to love one another. Live in his peace, be blessed by his love.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, you are the perfect example of selfless love that blesses others. The sacrifice you made brought us that love as it covered our sins and gave us peace with God. We want to live in that love but it is so hard. How do we give when we feel like we can’t give any more? How do we yield when there are so many reasons not to? Call us to hear your voice and follow, for we know that your words are true and give us the strength we need. Forgive us for the many times we fail. Continue to teach us, remind us, and bless us so that we may honor you in our marriage and intimacy, and in all we do. In Jesus name, Amen.

Written by Naomi Schmidt
Reviewed by Pastor Gary Pufahl
Original devotion on WELS.net Women’s Ministry